Thursday, April 20, 2017

The Future of Sonic Media Adaptations

Considering that Archie has come to a screeching halt and Boom is winding down, what do you think the future adaptations of Sonic will be like? For me, here's what I think will happen.

The Movie is interesting, but we haven't got info on it in a while. I think we should wait until a major Sonic event to see details about what the film will be like. Putting the two reports on it together makes it seem like a Marvel-style film. Or alternatively the newer report implies this is like Paddington (remember that?) at best and Mac and Me/Nukie at worst. Maybe the film won't come out, given Sony's executive troubles going on, and the slamming of them thanks to The Emoji Movie.

It seems reasonable SEGA will want a new comic, by another publisher. While one thinks IDW may be good, unless they start where Archie left off, it will probably be lumped as a "kids-only" comic and come off as a stilted, joyless mess. In the latter case, I believe that they will try to stick to the games as much as possible, as Archie was already leaning in that direction. Whether they try to avoid Pontaff-ism or not depends on how many fans are there at IDW. If they're in the minority, we may see Pontaff-esque writing. As for the use of old media characters in that latter scenario, I expect them to be mostly used for fan-service as opposed to anything substantial, with us likely getting little-used Sonic Team characters instead. I bet that their new characters they create would be kinda lame, silly little things that they may try to look cool. A genuinely dark and mature Sonic comic in the vein of their TMNT, Transformers, Godzilla, Ghostbusters, etc. comics would be incredibly rad but unlikely.

Boom or Bongo might also be chosen. Both are pretty much known for kids comics, so the results would likely be at best what we'd likely get from IDW if it were lumped as a kids comic. Although Boom does have their cool Power Rangers series, and I'd love if they went that route, and Bongo's comics are genuinely funny. (perhaps because they run on inherently funny source material) Going with a lesser-known publisher would probably result in awful comics.

As for a TV show, I don't really know. Maybe OuiDo will continue and make a game-based new show after Boom ends, or they give it to another studio. This one might be a lot like Sonic X, with or without extra content in that style.

But what's more interesting is the possibilites after the games eventually die-off (which will likely happen if Forces fails). Maybe this makes getting a dark and mature Sonic comic more likely?

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Dreamworks Animation Has Struck Out

Given all the hype for Inside Out (Bing Bong, you may be the most noble character in any Disney film) deservedly cropping up every which way, it makes me think of what Pixar's rivals are doing to catch up. What's Dreamworks, the biggest rival to Pixar doing?...


Dreamworks goes back to their most popularized period of the mid-to-late 2000s with their recent non-sequel work, Turbo and Home. While prior films, like The Croods and Rise of the Guardians, showed a more dramatic, heartfelt, and touching side to their plots, feeling more "family" than "children only", Turbo and Home (along with The Penguins of Madagascar) step right back into kiddie crap. I luckily never saw Turbo, but I did go out to Home because I had nothing else to do. The movie was... kiddish.

Slapstick violence, goofy jokes, and little substance make sure this film feel like it was made in 2005. The worst moment was Oh's "sacrifice" at the end. We had seen Oh being flattened before and surviving, and I think even the girl saw Oh get crushed and live. So why the sad music and the weepy faces when he gets crushed under the treads? Was the implication that he was going to be trapped forever? There was no dramatic gravitas to this sudden scene from a silly movie that breaks the film's logic (It didn't stop that one death in Jurassic World).

The humor was similarly simple and juvenile. Even the plot began dumbly, with Oh, a weird, party-loving Boov, sending a message to everyone possible. This lures in the Gorg, the thing the cowardly Boov are terrified of. This Gorg is searching for his eggs, which were stolen by the Boov captain. He inhabits a large suit of armor ala Krang to hide his lonesome shame as he hunts the Boov. Oh meets a displaced human girl and helps her build a vehicle to try to track down the Boov base and get the memo and the whereabouts of her mother. They find she's in Australia and go there. Then the Gorg arrive and Oh steals and delivers the eggs. Capatin Smek is then overthrown for cowardice.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

Sing... "Zootoing"

This year will likely be another 2013 for animated film. We opened with "Norm of the North", a horrible film that wouldn't be out of place as a weird Netflix movie. Though "Zootopia" rocked our world and "Kung Fu Panda 3" had me wanting more, the rest of the year's films seem like a lowly bunch. While both "Moana" and "Sausage Party" merit individual posts down the line, the rest are utterly rancid and can be covered nicely here.

Sing! and The Secret Life of Pets

"Sing" is what this post was made for. The first thing I noticed is that it is strikingly similar to Zootopia but blatantly inferior. For one thing, there's the character design. The mouse and the koala look like they are either modified bobble-heads or have a severe case of hydrocephaly. Derp Iguana is Derp Iguana. And minor characters seem to be even worse, especially those tweaking rabbits and the fat sheep with huge jaws. 

Most characters look really bland, as if they came out of "Over the Hedge". While not as grotesque as "Norm of the North", the characters are not interesting. There does not seem to be internal logic to the film's universe, unlike Zootopia. Why are there anthropomorphic snails in this movie? Zootopia's world seems to be limited to terrestrial vertebrates as intelligent beings, with Zootopia alone only having mammals. A strong emphasis on predator-prey relationships is what gives the film its message. This is just designed to sell albums of old music. Rapping Buffalo is still best CGI crap.

Meanwhile, the Secret Life of Pets looks like a horrible "Toy Story" ripoff with no potential whatsoever. The first trailer already showcased the funniest jokes, and the second killed what little potential it may have had. The pets just make normal animal sounds when heard by humans and this is used mainly for translation barrier gags, just like in Madagascar, Over the Hedge, Open Season, Space Chimps (just Chimps and the aliens), Bolt, Rio, Free Birds, and likely a bunch of others, as opposed to having them hide the ability to speak. Tired jokes, tired plot, lackluster character design, random celebrity voices, yards yadda yadda. At least this doesn't look "Lorax"-caliber awful. (Edit: the film was average)

The Lorax was a killer turd because it was based on a book that was great. It served as a grand finale for the NC (his later crap might as well come before it). This? It's just a theatrical Ratatoing.


Go and eat a grenade, Dreamworks Animation. Your only good works now are sequels. "Rise of the Guardians" was your apex, admit it. Please, return to the adult tone of "The Prince of Egypt" and "Antz/Ant Z" after this shit. 

Trolls looks as utterly stupid as "Home" and "Turbo", if not more so. They bought the Trolls from Dam to make this. We see that Trolls are eaten by much larger, ghastlier trolls, and there is a princess.  You can make a good Trolls movie, as the TV shows give some great ideas.

I for one, would use this as a jumping-off point

All I can tell from the trailer is that it is typical mid-2010s Dreamworks slop, a gutless, childish production. Dreamworks animation said they made films for adults when they were making their infamous pop-culture reference driven movies. Damn! Dreamworks should have continued their way up after Rise of the Guardians (I'd accept Croods as a breather movie) until they were their old 90s self, rather than alternating between kid-pandering and sequels. Now you have Illumination to compete with. If you don't go back to edgy, Comcast will kill you. 

That's right, Comcast. Maybe they'll now not be able to make anything of worth. Comcast is an evil company that will leave nought but bones of the unprofitable. Bland trashy designs are worse than the deliberately ugly edgy design you were founded on. Contrast the unique, iconic, gnarly, repugnant old Digimon to the overdesigned, cluttered, bland new ones:

Fanmade "Bouncymon" Digimon by AwkwardKlutz

in contrast to

Yes, this is a real Digimon

The Wild Life

How does one fuck up Gulliver's Travels?


Rachet and Clank

Too kiddy for fans, too odd for mainstream audiences.  

In summary, what a shitty bunch this year has!

Saturday, October 22, 2016



Die a firey death!

From the latest movies to those slightly before them, it is clear you guys are fucking toast and have yet to fucking admit it. The only good films from them anymore are from their big franchises, such as Kung Fu Panda. You had such a good fucking head with Rise of the Guardians, but you had to take several dumps on yourselves with Turbo. From there, you slid down with shit like Home. Now look at this shit dumpster of films you've made.

As rancid as the 2000s films were, at least they were distinctive. They were edgy in every sense of the word. Pop-culture jokes, toilet humor, deliberately ugly design, adult themes, subversiveness... But these lumps of shit? Gormless, identical total fucking copies of what every other fucking animation studio is doing. Fuck these films!

Unless you make a mature animated film and go back to your old ways, I AM DONE!

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Action Henk Boom

I bet that if Sticks had some ugly design, people would realize how annoying she was and they would hate her.


True words. Without Sticks's design (and Perci's) (making her a "blank slate Mobian" instead of an "NPC"), Boom would be an unsalvageable wreck of a show. Action Henk goes on the same principle. Henk is... okay, I guess, but the other characters are TERRIFYING. Every player on YouTube knows Betsy is SCARY AS FUCK. Maybe this is the reason why RageSquid's game is now dying.

But, RageSquid are trying to keep the game alive with professional events. This does not matter, as RageSquid is a bad company. They have no focus, no devotion. Action Henk is little different from their browser games, and the bad luck of the release of GalaxyTrail's hit Freedom Planet was the final nail. But RageSquid is only an indie developer, who have only done game jams before for the most part. SEGA are a corporation. Hence, they have more ammo to support Sonic Boom, a miserable, wretched franchise with a miserable, wretched fanbase.

The creator's own vanity does not help. Above, we see Bill Freiberger. Mike Pollock and Roger Craig Smith also appear. It's a creator sounding board. Action Henk? Nothing. Nothing at all. Black noise.

aka BonziBuddy
The Disturbing, Evil Monkey!

Action Henk is bullshit.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

I Warned Ya!

So, peeps all over the place are complaining about what Taxman has in store for the cast and stages of the game. Me? A) I don't mind (I hope we get some obscure games in there!) and B) I've warned my readers already. I warned them that Taxman mainly cares about game design. He says the cast are a bit extrataneous. But people didn't read between the lines... What to do? Still buy it. This will show SEGA we want more classic 2D games, and to FIX the errors, not just can the operation.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Reports of Sonic's Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

So, about Sonic Mania... They are ACTUALLY going back to his roots after a few false starts, and with the help of Taxman. "But Taxman only cares about physics?" Let's see what he does on his own. The zones shown both look pretty nice.

One is a GHZ remake (THE GHZ, no less!) that features a new mini-boss and goes into a cave, while the other is Studiopolis, which looks like it came out of Skullgirls, complete with dancing Eggmen, references to SEGA lore, and breaking windows! Sonic also has a new move, the Drop Dash. You can also play as Tails and Knuckles again, and I bet that light green streak color means something pink is also present. These look mighty impressive and non-Kirby.  And look at that sprite animation.  Action Henk, you are so dead!

Taxman also has a few other partners in this, like PagodaWest games. PagodaWest previously made the ultra-wacky Major Magnet, but had worked on Sonic 2 HD. Stealth is also in on this one. They could easily make a Sonic game with great aethstetics in addition to gameplay. Meanwhile...

We finally got to see what Sonic Team's doing. The combined Sonic Team has made THIS. Dark tone, an actually angry Sonic, and even though Classic's there, he seems to be playing alongside Sonic as opposed to segregated into 2D. And those huge Egg Robos... he's truly up to no good. No obscure power sources, secondary baddies, or monsters of the week to be seen. 

And F&I didn't really get shit