Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Gasbags

I figured out the reason why so many bad games are well-liked for a while before fading out: the viewers don't care about the game, only the bloated gasbag making videos on it. It used to be that such gasbags covered only games that were already popular, like Minecraft or Pokemon, or copied the Angry Video Game Nerd in taking on bad games and reacting in disgust. But then Markiplier covered Five Nights at Freddy's, and people discovered the brilliance of the game, and it became a hit with three sequels. From there, these gasbags decided to take a "monster of the day" approach, covering one new indie game a day.

Some of them got hooked on a game for some reason, and provided consistent coverage. Action Henk was an example (could RageSquid have paid them?) that really did not deserve this treatment. This game is in reality a giant hunk of shit. 

It's like Meme Run, except all Sanic. 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Fant4stic

Fant4stic is an upcoming Fantastic Four film. Am I watching it? No. Not in its original theatrical run. Why? 'Tis a cash grab by Fox to keep the rights away from Disney. How can you tell?

Well, they made H.Torch a Nigga, for one. "But they made Falcon into the Avengers guard dog!"

The MCU has provided many memorable moments concerning several characters. Like the famous Avengers battle. Will this film do anything? No.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Unnecessary?

I once made a topic concerning Sonic 2013 hopes and speculations. One person, Soulis, posted this typical response:
Things Sega should do to revive Sonic: -Stop trying to make him look "edgy". Its embarrassing. -Stop focusing in complex stories. Its more embarrassing. -Kill every friend except Tails and Knuckles and deny they ever existed. Seriously, kill'em all. Slow like. Agonizing. -Fire all the voice actors. And when i say fire, i mean set them on fire. Sonic should NEVER speak again, ever. -Whoever comes up with ideas like holding a sword and the werehog.. throw him out of the window. The guy is an idiot. -The physics programmers. They suck. And they get paid. Homebrew Sonic games have superior physics. -Hey Sega... hire that Pelikan13 guy. And make him the head of Sonic Team. ASAP.
The idea of pulling a baby Brianna on the side characters in spite of erasing the things wrong with them irked me strongly, and I quickly replied.
Maybe we could, you know fix the extended cast, not kill them? With better physics and no voices, killing the friends would be a tad unnecessary.
The poster then snapped back with:
Sonic's friends are unnecessary. He doesn't need so many characters because his games don't need a complex story. It should not be a story driven series. Definitely not with THIS cast that makes it look like a badly designed cartoon for little kids. They even tried to make it look serious with drama and romance (LOL!) and all they did was to accidentally make a story about bestiality. And he doesn't need so many different playable characters either. The Sonic character was awesome and cool because he could run fast. That was his "thing" his power. So speed became one of the few things the series is all about (along with physics and good level design). I suppose Tails could run as fast because he could fly with his helicopter tails and that's fine, it looked cool. He was a deformed creature (two tails) but he could use his unique deformity in a cool way to do a thing only Sonic could do. Besides, he didn't really run as fast, he basically flies. Sonic has still the faster legs. But Knuckles running as fast was too much. Still, i don't want him killed off because at least the first games he was into were great. But suddenly, every single generic character in the universe, after Knuckles, could run like Sonic. So, if every character can run so fast then what's so cool and unique about Sonic? What's so cool and unique about Tail's deformity? Even Sonic's name sounds inappropriate now, why give him a name that suggest high speeds when everyone can run that fast in the first place? Its like naming a heroic fish character, in a game that takes place in an ocean, "swimmer" because he can move in the water. Like Syndrome said in the incredibles, "when everyone is super, no one is". The other alternative is to make all the other characters slow and give them different powers and things to do but then it wouldn't be a Sonic game anymore, would it? Remember, speed is important in a Sonic game. If i wanted to play a different, slower platform game i would play, guess what, a different platform game. When i play Sonic, i want to play, guess what again, Sonic. A platform game with a character that runs stupidly fast. So i guess the only thing that is left is to make all his friends NPCs or make them Robotnik's victims but again, there are too many generic and awfully designed characters that makes the series look like a toddler's cartoon show and the best way to fix them is to perform a more permanent fix to them, if you know what i mean. There is simply no reason for them to exist, at least in a Sonic game. If they want so much to make games about a gazillion generic characters then they should make a game about them and not ruin Sonic. So yeah, his friends need to go (and die) and the designers need to focus on other things if Sonic wants to become a unique character in a great series again, like in the 16bit days. But i guess it's too late for that now.
Let's analyze that:
He doesn't need so many characters because his games don't need a complex story. It should not be a story driven series. Definitely not with THIS cast that makes it look like a badly designed cartoon for little kids. They even tried to make it look serious with drama and romance (LOL!) and all they did was to accidentally make a story about bestiality.
Well, Sonic games have worked well with simpler stories, I can tell you that. But even a simple plot can indeed fail. Lost World had a ton of build-up that went nowhere. Instead, we got a ton of random filler jokes. In Colors, the jokes didn't hamper the basic plot of the game (save these cute floating alien squid that give you new powers and investigate Eggman's death trap!), but in Lost World, they do. ROL's plot was so shitty, bland, and boring that it collapsed anyway. A complex story suggests better writers on board to handle things. Hooking the stories of multiple games together could also help. And about the designs, we'll get to that later.
And he doesn't need so many different playable characters either. The Sonic character was awesome and cool because he could run fast. That was his "thing" his power. So speed became one of the few things the series is all about (along with physics and good level design). I suppose Tails could run as fast because he could fly with his helicopter tails and that's fine, it looked cool. He was a deformed creature (two tails) but he could use his unique deformity in a cool way to do a thing only Sonic could do. Besides, he didn't really run as fast, he basically flies. Sonic has still the faster legs.
Complimentary characters! That's a great idea! Of course powers should compliment each other. It's called character balance. Of course there wouldn't be a junk tier of weak characters, we'd try to avoid that. Even Pokemon has a PU tier of seriously weak mons. And some just wouldn't even be playable (i.e Omochao).
But Knuckles running as fast was too much. Still, i don't want him killed off because at least the first games he was into were great. But suddenly, every single generic character in the universe, after Knuckles, could run like Sonic. So, if every character can run so fast then what's so cool and unique about Sonic? What's so cool and unique about Tail's deformity? Even Sonic's name sounds inappropriate now, why give him a name that suggest high speeds when everyone can run that fast in the first place? Its like naming a heroic fish character, in a game that takes place in an ocean, "swimmer" because he can move in the water. Like Syndrome said in the incredibles, "when everyone is super, no one is".
Well, Sonic is the fastest out of all of them, that's what makes him special. Of course supporting characters can't run that darn fast (a thing alternate media does right).
The other alternative is to make all the other characters slow and give them different powers and things to do but then it wouldn't be a Sonic game anymore, would it? Remember, speed is important in a Sonic game. If i wanted to play a different, slower platform game i would play, guess what, a different platform game. When i play Sonic, i want to play, guess what again, Sonic. A platform game with a character that runs stupidly fast.
These additional slower characters could be optional. Character balance, remember.
So i guess the only thing that is left is to make all his friends NPCs or make them Robotnik's victims but again, there are too many generic and awfully designed characters that makes the series look like a toddler's cartoon show and the best way to fix them is to perform a more permanent fix to them, if you know what i mean.
Yeah, most side characters should be NPCs. Even Mario has several popular characters who were never playable (instead we get all these generic drone enemies and alternate versions of extant ones). Also, concerning the designs, I have suggested that the characters have a darker appearance along the lines of the TMNT allies and enemies...
This but with more boobs

But the poster still turned it down.
How many times we have to go through this...
There is simply no reason for them to exist, at least in a Sonic game.
Yeah, most of them should only be in other media. Have you ever seen a DC game with the KGBeast as playable? Or Egg Fu?
If they want so much to make games about a gazillion generic characters then they should make a game about them and not ruin Sonic.
So Skylanders but with more established characters? The REALLY horrible ones wouldn't merit a game of their own at all. For how many did Joh Yowza, Ziro the Hutt, Nute Gunray, or even Jar Jar ruin Star Wars? What of all the horrifically abysmal characters Disney swept under the rug recently, like Waru the sentient Jell-O mold, Prince Isolder (a.k.a. Fabio), Mt. Sorrow, Jaxxon, Luuke, Hoar, Beldorion, Trioculous...
So yeah, his friends need to go (and die) and the designers need to focus on other things if Sonic wants to become a unique character in a great series again, like in the 16bit days. But i guess it's too late for that now.
Yeah... But this game would like to have a word with you. I later replied that I didn't like that the poster wanted to spare Knuckles out of nostalgia. The poster then replied with this:
No, out of respect. Because Sonic 3 & Knuckles was the best Sonic game. Also, he doesn't look as annoying and obnoxious as the more recent friends. But i still wouldn't mind if they ditch him because i did find him unnecessary as a playable character. Its just that he doesn't annoy me that much as a design. He is Ok. And i suppose the series needs a couple of extra characters. Knuckles is OK. I guess we needed someone who can climb and reach a few secret shortcuts (although Tails could just fly there). And if they have to add more, they need to be properly designed and not messing with the main game design and style. Every character must make Sonic himself look cool. Like how Metal Sonic makes Sonic himself look even cooler because Robotnic used him as the model for one of his best weapons. Little things like that. Also, is this the only thing you got from the whole post? Generations is alright on the PC. It sucks on consoles. 30fps on a fast paced platform game that half of it is side scrolling? No way. As for the old games, yeah they were somewhat easy, however the chaos emeralds were challenging, although i preferred the Master System version where, unlike the Genesis games, they were scattered in the main levels and required a bit of exploration. But what i love about the genesis games is the addictive controls and physics, the level design that lets you play with them and rewards building up speed and momentum with alternate paths and shortcuts, the visual and audio style which is "cool" but in a more subtle way and the amazing soundtracks.

I really agree. Just look at the atrocity known as Comedy Chimp. Or pretty much every Boom character.