Sunday, October 23, 2016

Sing... "Zootoing"

This year will likely be another 2013 for animated film. We opened with "Norm of the North", a horrible film that wouldn't be out of place as a weird Netflix movie. Though "Zootopia" rocked our world and "Kung Fu Panda 3" had me wanting more, the rest of the year's films seem like a lowly bunch. While both "Moana" and "Sausage Party" merit individual posts down the line, the rest are utterly rancid and can be covered nicely here.

Sing! and The Secret Life of Pets

"Sing" is what this post was made for. The first thing I noticed is that it is strikingly similar to Zootopia but blatantly inferior. For one thing, there's the character design. The mouse and the koala look like they are either modified bobble-heads or have a severe case of hydrocephaly. Derp Iguana is Derp Iguana. And minor characters seem to be even worse, especially those tweaking rabbits and the fat sheep with huge jaws. 

Most characters look really bland, as if they came out of "Over the Hedge". While not as grotesque as "Norm of the North", the characters are not interesting. There does not seem to be internal logic to the film's universe, unlike Zootopia. Why are there anthropomorphic snails in this movie? Zootopia's world seems to be limited to terrestrial vertebrates as intelligent beings, with Zootopia alone only having mammals. A strong emphasis on predator-prey relationships is what gives the film its message. This is just designed to sell albums of old music. Rapping Buffalo is still best CGI crap.

Meanwhile, the Secret Life of Pets looks like a horrible "Toy Story" ripoff with no potential whatsoever. The first trailer already showcased the funniest jokes, and the second killed what little potential it may have had. The pets just make normal animal sounds when heard by humans and this is used mainly for translation barrier gags, just like in Madagascar, Over the Hedge, Open Season, Space Chimps (just Chimps and the aliens), Bolt, Rio, Free Birds, and likely a bunch of others, as opposed to having them hide the ability to speak. Tired jokes, tired plot, lackluster character design, random celebrity voices, yards yadda yadda. At least this doesn't look "Lorax"-caliber awful. (Edit: the film was average)

The Lorax was a killer turd because it was based on a book that was great. It served as a grand finale for the NC (his later crap might as well come before it). This? It's just a theatrical Ratatoing.


Go and eat a grenade, Dreamworks Animation. Your only good works now are sequels. "Rise of the Guardians" was your apex, admit it. Please, return to the adult tone of "The Prince of Egypt" and "Antz/Ant Z" after this shit. 

Trolls looks as utterly stupid as "Home" and "Turbo", if not more so. They bought the Trolls from Dam to make this. We see that Trolls are eaten by much larger, ghastlier trolls, and there is a princess.  You can make a good Trolls movie, as the TV shows give some great ideas.

I for one, would use this as a jumping-off point

All I can tell from the trailer is that it is typical mid-2010s Dreamworks slop, a gutless, childish production. Dreamworks animation said they made films for adults when they were making their infamous pop-culture reference driven movies. Damn! Dreamworks should have continued their way up after Rise of the Guardians (I'd accept Croods as a breather movie) until they were their old 90s self, rather than alternating between kid-pandering and sequels. Now you have Illumination to compete with. If you don't go back to edgy, Comcast will kill you. 

That's right, Comcast. Maybe they'll now not be able to make anything of worth. Comcast is an evil company that will leave nought but bones of the unprofitable. Bland trashy designs are worse than the deliberately ugly edgy design you were founded on. Contrast the unique, iconic, gnarly, repugnant old Digimon to the overdesigned, cluttered, bland new ones:

Fanmade "Bouncymon" Digimon by AwkwardKlutz

in contrast to

Yes, this is a real Digimon

The Wild Life

How does one fuck up Gulliver's Travels?


Rachet and Clank

Too kiddy for fans, too odd for mainstream audiences.  

In summary, what a shitty bunch this year has!


  1. Replies
    1. Aiming for ONLY then is costly. And when so many films do it...