Monday, April 4, 2016

Oh, NOW You've Screwed Him Over

Paper Mario is now certainly ruined, and it looks like this one will DESTROY Paper Mario. Even Mario and Luigi has been ruined. Nintendo won't bother to learn from past mistakes unless they cost them dearly. And even then, they will revert. Wind Breaker? Twilight Princess puts things back in order, but not by much, and then the franchise is ruined for real with Skyward Bore: How to Destroy A Character: Part Deux. Dumbass gimmicks in Mario? Move them to Paper Mario! It's not like we have fans over there!  Bad new IP? One good new IP, upon which we fail to capitalize, in a sea of shit! (Nintendo must be idiots for not making a Splatoon TV show or comic series, as Malstrom once pointed out) meanwhile, Nintendo brings a failing niche IP to an end. Rehash Mario? Let them eat cake and make their own!

Mario Maker may herald something dark for Mario in the future. "But this is just zany malstrom talk!" Not exactly. Remember when Mario lost focus in the GameCube era? See how crap like Sticker Star is. We may be heading to that again. And the core product has been damaged with the rehashes. So we might get something far worse. Imagine a Mario on level with Sonic or worse...

This game is so rhebok-piss insanely stupid that the articles about it write themselves.  Really, Nintendo like making insanely inane games. We have all the ingredients: Kersti 1.1, no-shades Koopa enemies, real object attacks, identical Toads, a map... Sticker Shit and Paper Cut at least took effort to suck. This little ditty explains it all:

Some YouTube comment highlights:
Next paper Mario 2024 "paper Mario and the magical playdoh!" 2032 "paper Mario and the evil colored pencil" 2040 "paper Mario toilet paper roll"
- Cebby

Sticker Mario: Sticker Star. Sticker Mario: Color Splash. Don't even call these Paper Mario games. Just don't.
 - ThatMarioGuy1

Paper Mario has officially become Nuts and Bolts.  It forgot what it truly was and is now becoming completely different then what it's supposed to be.  Even if Color Splash is a good game as it's own game it will still fail because it's not a true Paper Mario game judging by everyone's negative backlash.  Paper Mario is an RPG.  Even Super Paper Mario was an RPG but it was done in real time.  Sticker Star and Color Splash to me come off as nothing but mere spinoffs to the Paper Mario series.  Paper Mario 4 is still yet to be released to me.

Color Splash? More like Color Splooge!!!

NINTENDO "We dont want to just a be a game development company that only makes games for fans. We also want to bring new experience to players with innovations! Gimmicks! COlors! New wonderful experiences kids can enjoy! We dont want to be like Sony, Rare, Square Enix, naughty Dog, and Bethesda. No no no, too serious, too hard, too much hard words for kids to read. No No No, we want people to bring smiles, to make you feel like you live in a rainbow land fill with mushrooms and toads. Too much texts is too boring for kids. Kids wants to jump in the fun. Adults can stick with other game development that have real world actions. But WE, love lvoe love kids with colors!!!!!!! No More Gritty style. No more classic RPG style. No more games that weve done soo well in the past. More Yarns. More Colors. More fun experiences. More GIMMICKS!. STICKER STAR 2.0!!!! " Approved by Miyamoto. P.S "I love Disneyworld! Mickey and Minnie do so well with Kids. We want to do the same. If you want Paper Mario RPG Remake in Legend of 7 stars? No No no, too much work, too difficult, kids dont like reading. Ask Square please. "

-Tim W

Meanwhile at Activision...

Nintendo at least entertain via their shenanigans, unlike other companies that are just sad or utterly monstrous (Electronic Arts, Konami (but their mobile Contra looks great), etc). The articles write themselves. These are so hilarious, I guess this is why there is no "Mario Dissected", unless its from that nutcase Malstrom.

Mario's games are becoming consistent in a bad way now: thematically, they are identical. Who can tell the Sprixie Kingdom from the Mushroom Kingdom that much? What was the point of selling that Captain Toad thingy on a disc? Who would want to pay full-price or close to it for that thing? The Wii U is FAR from a sucessful system making the game have even less of a point. Luigi's Mansion benefited nothing from losing the personality-packed Portrait Ghosts in favor of the bland "Possessors" and whatnot. What is wrong with Bowser speaking IN AN RPG? WHO MAKES A WIND WAKER HD THAT DOESN'T FIX ENOUGH OF THE ORIGINAL PROBLEMS TO BE WORTHWHILE?

If Only...

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