Werehog? Where?

You crazy Nintards oblivious to Mario's various Werehogs...

Super Mario World 2 and Sunshine flunked due to cumbersome, badly-designed gimmicks that stole the show. Ask about Baby Mario and FLUDD, please. They clearly ruined their games. Just look at the sales!

Awful Gimmicks Kill, kids.

 Baby Mario irritated the fuck out of players by being a liability. FLUDD, meanwhile, meant we had to clean up shit in a Mario game. Oh, it's "paint" but it's clearly shit. You're cleaning shit and working for unsympathetic weirdos.

Worship the Dusty Turd

Jack that franchise-killing bullshit in HD and fix nought, Big Mario!

The one thing I truly despise about Nintards is the fact they worship absolute garbage years after its release, making it look as if the people have picked up the buffalo piss and have begun to worship it. This happened to Super Mario Sunshine (and rainbows and bubblegum and balloons) and even the "Game that Killed the Cube", Celda: Weed Whacker.

Sailing to nowhere in particular is sure fun. Better than killing monsters, finding hidden caverns, or shopping.

Yes, you heard me right: Nintards worship the Wind Breaker enough for it to get an HD remix that fixed nothing. Why is a company doing this? You can't re-release an awful niche game, slap "HD" on it, and not change the flaws. This is NINTENDO doing this, not just some hack like DDI or RageSquid, nor a villainous company like Konami or EA.  Why would they pull this shit? SMAS was awesome, taking three classics (and one historically-important mission pack) and restoring them for the 16-bit age, and some versions added Super Mario World and revised it. This? It's just taking a sacred bundle of shit, cleaning it off, and selling it for a dozen sixpence.

True story time, everyone.

It's called Too Much Sunshine.

Once, I rented Mario Sunshine from Hollywood Video, as I knew Mario fairly well from Super Mario World and Super Smash Bros. Melee. I wanted to see more of him. At the end of the day, my reaction was: "THIS is your hero, Nintendo? Shame. Shame. No wonder Sonic is better, Mario is just awful. I don't like this boring game. "

That-a didn't help at-a all!

What's the difference between worshipping these two and liking Sonic 06, JP Tresspasser, Daikatana, etc? Because fans of those three games have an urge to fix them, purge them of the flaws that led to their falls. Nintards just worship these turds as-is.

Carrot and Stick

So, Star Fox Zero is doing a carrot-and-stick routine with a fan-favorite. If Zero sells well, they will put Krystal in the next. Too bad it won't work. There are many factors that prevent the carrot-and-stick routine from working.

1) Zelda's insistence on the use of a stick. Hyrule Warriors was the fucking awesome Zelda we've wanted since 2007, and then Koei decides to add Tingle as DLC. "Pay 5 dollars to get hit on the head with a stick". The 3DS version adds a lot of Weed Whacker/Wind Breaker/Wand Wacker/whatever content. "The handheld version can hit you with a stick if it so chooses." Some imbeciles don't mind getting hit on the head with a stick, which makes things worse. As Zelda insists on using the stick, why would Star Fox bother with a carrot?

2) Star Fox is dead to Nintendo. The only reason they push out games for it, Metroid, F-Zero (trust me, they WILL bring it out to ruin it), or even Fire Emblem, is to satiate casual fans. Miyamoto is heralding a "safe era" of child-friendly games. Compare the original DKC games to DKCR (or even DK64, for that matter), for one. Nintendo seem head-on with wanting to dispose of the non-kiddy franchises.

3) Some imbeciles seem to not want a carrot. Krystal is good for you! She likes you! Why do you bash her? Worse yet are the MONSTERS who fucking worship Tingle (Nintendo's Barney). They want to be beaten with a stick until the franchise is beaten to death.

4) There's too many flaws in the game to begin with for the carrot to work.

It would have worked better if she were a pre-order bonus or accessible via an Amiibo, instead of just held on for the next (which is unlikely to happen). Instant gratification = happy customers.

The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold

I recently watched a lesser-known Rankin-Bass special known as The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold. Despite the good concept (even other holiday icons celebrate Christmas!), it wasn't very good and I can understand why it doesn't air today. The ending is unnecessarily brutal by Rankin-Bass standards. Usually, the villain is defeated non-lethally (often reforming), while the ones who were lethally defeated were shown to be much more repugnant than the norm and deserved death. This villain was fairly comical, and even once disguised herself as a pretty girl named Collen who was shipwrecked. I thought she would be turned into Colleen for real when she finds the Christmas gold, but instead she was destroyed.

WHAT AM I BLOGGING FOOOOOOR!

Iris's death is actually a very symbolic scene, for two reasons.

The End of Innocence

Iris's death symbolizes the end of innocence for not only the X series, but Mega Man as a whole.  Notice how the games got progressively grimmer afterwards. The Legends series is as light as the Classic games, but something just feels... off... about it.

For Want of a Nail

If Iris was saved, she would have prevented the horrors of the Zero series:

* Being alive, Iris would give Zero moral support and prevent him from fighting X, let alone surrendering to Wily.

* Maybe it would have strengthened X and Zero's bond, due to both their lovers behind Navigating. This would have likely prevented the fight.
* It is said the previous Maverick Hunter commander retired after the RepliForce disaster. This was likely Cain who retired. Iris's survival would likely have made Cain happier and not resign. He could thus be a very good backbone for the hunters, possibly better than Signas.
* Perhaps Cain knew about Axl. He could find Axl early and make a turning point before billions of lives were lost. His power to copy enemies directly would have given him an advantage in the fight against Sigma.
* Iris might be able to help the relations between humans and Reploids when all is said and done.

Yeah, this is why I posted about Iris.

Perci Rain, Perci Rain

Or alternatively, "Comedy Hao". 

Reading on a topic about Hsu Hao, the infamous Mortal Kombat loser, I saw one comment about characters like Rain and Noob, how Netherealm was able to improve them. Someone else pointed out that the two were already liked as cool recolor ninjas. This reminds me of something: Perci.

Perci was liked because of her appearance and description. She looked a lot like Julie-Su, like how Sticks looks like Marine. Hence, she was shipped with Knuckles. She didn't do much in Boom proper, but she has the second-biggest following of any Boom character. Sound familiar?

A good extra can spawn a decent following.

Why We Care

"Aren't you able to abandon him? You have done the same with Backyard Sports, Army Men, Bubsy, Petz, Bubble Bobble, Joe Danger, and other damned franchises."

We won't. We can't. We mustn't. Because Sonic has far more staying power than the above-mentioned series. Sonic is viable as a multimedia universe, not just a game franchise. We are driven by more than just the gameplay. That is why we must hang on: we must save the franchise.