Pee and Poo: Attack of the Leftovers

The sole reason Sanic Dum: Pee and Poo even exists is because of it having been part of an old contractual obligation. SEGA prefers to bleed money, so they decided to go through with the contract rather than put it to rest. Going through with a contract based around one of the worst-received games in recent history takes some real imbecility (or worse, malice). They did let Sony aid in the production of Shemnue 3, so I guess it was imbecility.

"A more linear, classic experience"

I would have preferred if you improved on the old Metroidvania play style. This linearity implies nothing. It could just maintain the linear speed of the original, as Sonic's running was pretty much automatic.

"We have a new character, Amy Rose"

This has confused many, but Amy was not playable in Shattered Crystal, like how Sticks wasn't in Rise of Lyric.

"The people who hated Boom contributed to bad sales"

Many people were more or less indifferent to Boom. The games also recieved bad reviews because they were terrible. RoL in particular was a complete failure.

"We no longer consider the Wii U version canon."

R.I.P. Perci. Also, this does show that they were aware Rise of Lyric was a flop. They aren't aware it tainted Boom by being the figurehead. 

Overall, Pee and Poo will be another faliure and continue the state of crisis at hand.

More Pee and Poo

So, did you guys want more content about Sanic Dum: Pee and Poo? Did you want to eradicate this filth from your minds? Well then, regardless, here it is:

http://www.usgamer.net/articles/whats-next-for-sonic-the-hedgehog-and-friends

Evidently, the game has a sillier tone closer to the aptly ridiculous show. Baldy McNosehair builds a series of robots to outrun and humiliate Old Man Ogilvie, like he would on the show, where Baldy's goal is to annoy Sonic rather than do much lethal. Even the Arc Villain evokes Crash Bandicoot in his naming scheme, being a little pun with a single letter before the rest of the pun: D-Fekt (defect). So this game gets points for source loyalty.

Expect plenty of this

There will be four boss battles, utilizing both screens like in the Rush series and Colors 64. These all appear to be creations of D-Fekt, as he is the main Arc Villain of this chapter, like Lyric in RoL as SC. I did like the double-screen of the olden days. D-Fekt is a Baldy creation gone mad with obsession to gain power from the "Ragnium" of Bygone Island. He even looks a lot like Orbot and Cubot, killing any sort of menace factor to him. He's a dumpy, stupid looking robot.

There are unlockable characters. Whether this means we start with Sonic like in SC or we can get Metal Sonic, Perci, and Shadow is unknown. There is a screenshot depicting what appears to be Metal Sonic, however.

The game is also to strongly feature the multiplayer "Bot Race", where you collect and race Bots build by Baldy McNosehair of various characters. Whether the Bots are playable or not is unknown. These Bots seem fairly similar to the "Sim Sonics" of the Colors Era. The recolored Metal Sonic down there seems to indicate that what is shown is Bot Race.

All five main characters are playable in the third SB

Also, BOUNCEPADSBOUNCEPADSBOUNCEPADS are gone, replaced by traditional springs. So we will likely no longer hear "BOUNCEPADSBOUNCDEPADSYOU'RESOCONVIENIENTEPICBOUNCEPADLAUNCHYAY!" in the game. Other obnoxious phrases might get phased out to in order to be more in line with the show's humor.

On Tumblr, the cover-art is tagged with #it's going to be way better than the first one. Hubris, much. The first game, as you all know, was abysmal. The second was forgettable, but had some good music tracks. So there really isn't much of a gap for the third to climb. It's like claiming the Genesis Action 52 was way better than the NES one (Their "Cheetahmen" is even worse than the NES Cheetahmen). So that assures nothing.

What could have been

D-Fekt has become a minor joke, and I can't find any fanart of the guy at all. Shows how low this game has gotten to. Before RoL, even minor NPC Perci got a truckload of fan-art.

Unfortunately, I have cancelled my Doom skin of her

And worst of them all, BOOM SONIC IS NOW MODERN SONIC. SEGA have entered their death throes. SEGA are likely trying to die (or torment us with hellfire). It's at least a better situation than Spyro (at least Modern still exists as Legacy Sonic, though Legacy's fate is unclear), but greenlighting another game following RoL is pure stupidity. I've only seen Atari act like such an idiot. Even Ubisoft shoved Petz to the side as they milked it to utter destruction.

You were better under Penders

In five years time...

I have never seen a Sonic game get such an unanimously bad reception before: people were even initially hyped for RoL.

Will Pee and Poo be Sonic's Backyard Baseball 2007? Or can Sonic be saved yet?

The Action Henk Fallacy

 Well, word has been going around of a Sonic "spiritual successor" called Action Henk. In my opinion, without even playing it... IT SUCKS MONKEY BUTTS!

Yes, I've managed to get this assumption from damn gameplay footage recorded by some neckbeard. For one thing, the character designs are downright scary, and not in a good way. Henk does look pretty creepy to begin with, but then you take a look at someone like Betsy...

MOMMY! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

The reason Sonic won a huge fanbase was because of appealing character design.  Each of the characters was well-designed and appealing. Freedom Planet and other franchises followed this principle. AH does not. You can't relate to anyone of these horrifying Bozos and Slugs.

Also, there's the level design, which Is  very linear and lacks depth. Sonic has exploration and multiple paths.  AH has just running and sliding about. Maybe you can go faster on slopes but to little avail other than a new score. There is a level maker, but most levels made are just as bad as the pack-ins.

Well, I realize this is not a BAD GAME per se, but it's a niche title for sure. It's niche are the extremist Sonic "fans" out there, who claim:

* Kill all the characters except Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Robotnik. 

* Back to 2D, 100%.

* No story! 

* No "edge". Make it comedic, like Earthworm Jim, or straight-up childish. 

* Physics are absolutely everything. The rest of gameplay factors do not matter.

* Reduce it all to XBLA titles. 

* Creativity= NO! No experimentation whatsoever! Have you seen that fucking Werehog?
* Levels need to be a straight track to the goal! Use momentum!

This game fits those "demands" well. You can clearly see people screaming "Get SEGA to hire these guys.", "The only real Sonic game since 1994", and other things. "As if Freedom Planet, the Sonic Adventure duology, the Unleashed Trilogy, the Advance series and other portables, and constant fan-games don't exist," you may think. No. This game aims at those picky weirdos who don't really like Sonic, they only want shallow nostalgia. 

They want an imagined "Sanic", a Sonic without his very nature. A game based on physics and physics alone. Just running, bum-sliding, and being FATS. This game satisfies those wants well.

So sayonara, extremist punks, this is the place you want to be in!  Stay with the Henk, and don't wish for Sonic to become like that! Us Sonic fans are off from this place.

Or you can choose the Freedom Planet Life, like how it chose me.

Fire And Ice: The End Is Near

Sonic Boom Three. No, really. They're making a third Sonic Boom game in the form of Fire and Ice. I guess they were serious about splitting the branches of the series...

On the other hand, I have never seen a Sonic game, or ANY game, get such an UNINANIMOUS NEGATIVE RECEPTION. From fans, non-fans, maybe even the target audience. The reception is so bad, people who haven't touched Sonic in ages come to gawk at this shit!

The Point of No Return

There is a state beyond jumping the shark, a wicked and vicious state few have achieved. A terrible state, one showing no going back. They have become a monster of a franchise. No quality drop will be below them, they have already bottomed out in quality. Death does not follow the franchise into the grave, rather, a living death lingers on their very souls. A limbo of empty moneymaking, seeking money that no longer exists.

Has Sonic achieved this narakrap? We will ask that question later. First, let's take a look at franchises that certainly have achieved this. All three were once moderately popular PC game franchises, but fell down worse and worse over time. Now they do appeal to only the lowest common denominator. The first of three disgraces is Backyard Sports. I have already discussed this franchise once. I wrote how it was utterly razed by corporate greed. It turns out they made a new mobile dump of it. Let's take a look...

FUCKFUCKFUCK Not this crap again!

Aaand, we get more shit that will only appeal to fuckwhocares. This is just a dull sellout along the lines of Candy Crush Saga (which I'm on the borderline of not even considering a videogame). Typical app crap. They didn't even change the designs back! They still look tweenish! The characters looking like cute kids with little bead eyes was part of the appeal!

And what the fuck happened to most of the Backyard Kids, anyway? Those who haven't been fuckshitted beyond fucking recognition have just fucking dissipated into fucking oblivion for fucking YEARS. 11 FUCKING CHARACTERS ARE GONE. And some fucking lame new fucking characters don't fucking change fucking anything.

The next is Petz. You know, those dumb as shit games you see in the bargain bins at your average department store next to the ones based on preschool shows and foodstuffs? THEY USED TO BE GOOD.

Really. The original PC incarnations were an innovative series of Pet simulators based around uniquely designed and coded 3D characters. The series's mod scene created many extra breeds. Some of these breeds are very wild and specialized, like Eeveelutions.  But then 2006 rolled around, and we got a major console release of Petz, and it ripped off Nintendogs. From then on, they would either copy Nintendogs to the letter or make some bizarre premise no one cares about.



Now they're on level with Imagine.

Last is Army Men. Thankfully, this franchise seems to have been laid to rest at last in 2010. But before that, we got a bunch of increasingly worse spins on the series after Air Combat. But the final nail was Soldiers of Misfortune:

In Name Only

Has Sonic succumbed to the fate of these three with RoL? You be the judge.

Burn Notice

In Street Fighter II, when a character is burned, their burning silhouette is clearly that of M. Bison/Vega regardless of your character.

Super Street Fighter II rectified this somewhat, as Zangief got his own burn sprites, which were reused for T.Hawk (in addition to there now being stand and crouch burns).

However, at no point in a 2D Street Fighter game did everyone get their own burn animation. The Alpha series (and thus MVC by reusing the sprites) went with a more cartoony artstyle, and had a generic orange color filter applied to burned players with a few translucent flames, similar to KOF. The same applied with III and CVS2, but with better animation. Capcom's Darkstalkers had unique cartoony ash face effects for everyone (even the headswap).

SF4, however, managed to replicate the effect by darkening and/or reddening the textures on the foe and adding the flame effect.  Some attacks make the foe go darker than others, which was a nice touch.

In the end: I have two questions:

1) What would specific burn animations of the other SF2 characters have looked like?
2) Could other fighters have characters identified from the burn silhouettes?

Sonic Lost World

I didn't choose the Freedom Planet Life. The Freedom Planet Life chose me

With my recent rant against SEGA's sociopath-like actions, some may ask "what's with the Sonic background?" My answer, I'm still interested in Sonic as a universe. Not so much in the franchise of games. And it's thanks to Sonic Lost World, one of the most utterly DIRE games I have ever had the misfortune to play (up there with F-14 Tomcat on the GBA), and the biggest piece of shit I have received for Christmas.

The worst factor is that I was utterly excited for this turd on first announcement. When first revealed, we were given a picture of a mysterious planetoid made of hexagons, that appeared to be falling apart, and Sonic and Tails were approaching it in the Tornado I.

This new location seemed interesting. Its biomes seemed consistent with deleted levels from prior Sonic games. With its status as a "lost world", could it have those ancient levels? Initial suspicious levied at the game included being exclusive to a failing system, and looking too Mario-ish. Others joked about these whines.

Then they unveiled a group of guardians, who looked "very cartoonish, like something from Rayman". They were shown in silhouette only.

Mysterious and spooky.

What were they? Were they friends or foes? Would they be playable? Were there more? People's excitement continued to boil, as fan-made logos were crafted, interpretations of the six were made, and plenty of guesses about the game's plot were posited.

Better than the official one by far

People were wanting to see the Chaotix, Tikal, Nack, and many other characters get involved after years of Sola Sonica. They hoped for an intriguing tale to shiver the bones after the joke plots of Colors and Generations. And then the trailer dropped.

Hey look, the Animal Friends! It seems that my theory about them having their own language is confirmed. And they're in... Green Hill Zone? The real thing? Wheeeeew... SLAM! Here come the "guardian" fellows.

They look pretty nasty, but not that bad. Definitely not "big bad" material, but fun bosses anyway. Maybe there's a bigger threat in here? Ah, here comes Sonic. 

Round 1, Fight! Sonic whooshes off into GHZ. It seems oddly... fake. Why's everything so cubist/paper-mâché? Why's the grass blocky paper? How come the Badniks look EXACTLY like the Genesis ones except for a few color differences? 

Hey look, Galaxy-ish parkour skills! Is that the gimmick? It looks kinda fun, and fits with Sonic, too. I noticed how he could run up walls in the classic games and especially the Adventures. 

Only Sonic is playable... Again. Why? We're tired of Sola Sonica! Can you give us one other character to play as?  Well, it seems they're in the story, at least, and more of them too.

That red dude said "Your fate is to be destroyed. Why don't you accept that? Lie down and die!" Wow, he's kinda threatening, expected him to be a total joke. WISPS? They're back? Why? They were left on their home planet at the end of Colors, how could they return to Sonic? Why pick Wisps, and NEW ones at that, over our favorite characters? The Eagle looks cool, but that musical note one... way too gimmicky and specific.

Ugh, Pontaff is back. Why them? Can they even bother with a serious tale? More gameplay. It's kinda finicky, hopefully it shall be fixed by release. At least the levels seem very varied. Even the gameplay types tend to change up, and there's a lot of level archetypes not previously seen in Sonic.

I theorized that each of these Deadly Six was actually a parody of a known Sonic hater:

• Zavok: GameInformer. His size reflects their professional status and sheer reach through their magazine. He also is quite threatening to Sonic with his above lines.
• Zazz: Mariotehplumber. He lurks in the GHZ ripoff, wants to "pound his sorry blue butt", and is rather spastic and thin.
• Zeena: Hoggys2much. The token gal gets compared to the nasty old womanizer. Zeena's cold home reflects Hoggy's cold heart and cold domain of lawless social networks.
• Zor: Gligar13Vids. His emo nature reflects Gligar's lust of dark content. 
• Zomon: Konata1000. They both look pretty wonky.
• Zik: Zero Punctuation. Fits by being the oldest and most curmudgeonly. 

Zeena is getting a ton of fan art, plus more than a few group shots as well. Meanwhile, Conflicting Views as a few other places started complaining that the game was "kiddie" and referring to it as Sonic Lost Mind. They were weeding out everything that was "un-Sonicy", like Dessert Ruins 3. They kept on screaming "The Nintendoization of Sonic!"

Well, this game's going to prove pretty fun, right? I enjoyed the Unleashed Trilogy, how can this be any worse? It's gonna be like those with more exploration-based gameplay and a somewhat darker story.

And then the game dropped. Mediocre reviews? What is this? Maybe they were right, I ended up with the game for Christmas. And oh boy, did it suck. Hard. It was so rancid it put me off Sonic games.  Well, let me sum up this hunk of junk in one witty sentence:

This Is Your Sonic On Drugs

The gameplay is a broken mess of gimmicks, bad controls, half-baked ideas, glitches, unforgiving difficulty,  and general tedium. The story tried to be decent, but fell flat on its face with unlikable characters. The visuals are forgettable at best. The music is so un-Sonic it can be described as anti-Sonic.

Actually, this applies to the whole game. This game tortured me with horridness.

First, let us discuss the "Deadly" Six, who feel like more of a nuisance than a threat regardless of how much the story tries. You almost feel sorry for them (and there's a few fans that did). They're also a horde of stereotypes that border on the offensive at times, and nothing else. Particularly aggravating is the fact they apparently die in Lava Mountain. Eggman is just as pathetic. The poor fellow is officially a complete Squidward.

He falls victim to Sonic's heroic antics, causing catastrophe to happen to him, and at the end, is still treated as a villain and given a karmic punishment. Even the boss battle couldn't make him a threat: hear this spicy POLKA music to battle him against as he fights you in a clone of the Egg Nega Wisp without any of the tension, excitement, or surprise.

And Knuckles? Knuckles has officially become a total Butt Monkey. All he does is get shoved by Amy and carried off by the Animal Friends. Poor guy, especially with the Pendering (induced largely by SEGA) destroying much of his remaining relevance. It's a good thing he wasn't around to experience the horrors of the later levels, especially that fucking snowball one. But I didn't get to experience most of this bullshit. I was already put off.

I was put off by the aggravation apparent in the crap level design. And Tails the primadonna. And the shit music.  Well, let's start with the opening cutscene. Sonic and Baldy McNosehair have a dogfight in the air. Sonic wants Baldy to "drop the critters". He complies, and sends them hurtling down off his Egg-O-Matic. They land on a planetoid called Lost Hex. Tails tells Sonic "It's the Lost Hex!" as if the both of them have known the place for a long time. We land, and basically the first glimpse of this "lost world" is practically Green Hill Zone. Way to start your new alien world, Izuka.

After a bit of simple parkouring and fidgeting to get used to this new style, we encounter these "deadly"  weirdos. Baldy tells sonic "They are no-one's friends!" "These are the Deadly Six,and they are your worst enemies!"  And then the thin pink creep says some sociopaths things to Sonic. Lets see how you turn out, pinky! He's weaker than Cut Man. Stinking Cut Man! Next, we fight him again after a finicky cave level. Hasn't grown a bit. Next is Desert Ruins. How compelling.

Our next baddie is Zomom after an admittedly fun Mach Speed area. His battle's actually pretty innovative and cool, with him shifting the little blocky head about before butt slamming IN 3D!

After that, however, things go to utter shit fast. Welcome to candy land. That zone made no sense. Why do the donuts float and spin in synchronization? Why is the road just licorice? Why all the arbitrary platforms? Next comes a lousy chase stage with Zomom in a tornado. After a super-gimmick battle, the Six betray Eggman, and then Sonic teams up with Baldy to stop them. 

Tropical Coast was mostly lousy and forgettable, except for the excellent Act 3, a highlight of the game. By Act 4, I decided "This is absolutely not Sonic." And I never played it again.

Lost Mind? Lost Sanity? Lost Cause? Lost Balls? I have a better name for this shit:

Sonic Ordeal

"ATTITUDE is the difference between an Adventure and an Ordeal". This is one of my favorite messages I have discovered.

Here, we have a Sonic game with no attitude whatsoever:

Ow the Lack of edge!

The characters act like they're in a Seth MacFarlane cartoon, uncaring of the "crisis" at hand. The music is varied but unfitting. And the graphics are eye-bleedingly doofy and neon. 

I now support the Adventure Spirit.